"Please don't judge me"- RANDOM THOUGHTS

I like to do stupid stuff time to time.

For example: I think something really scary and brutal to someone I know. Like hurting them killing them, or skinning them. Not like I get satisfied by it … but I imagine those stuff because I am scared of thinking those images. Isn’t this crazy? I am scared of thinking those because I believe that if I think one thought vividly over and over again it might become reality. And these thoughts haunts me so I imagine them. And this goes on endlessly forming some kind of on and off freaked out thought cycle.

I get scared again by the fact that I came up with those ideas in the first place. I am scared of my thoughts.

Is it normal to write this kind of embarrassing things at werk? IDK…. As long as no one reads it I am reckoning this is Okay.

Yesterday I bought a book called “Chik”. It is written by German author and from the title you might be thinking this book is some kind of freakish book about young women, but it tells totally different story you dirty minded human!!! 

Anyhow…. I like this book. First few pages are… I gotta say I was starting to regret buying this weird named book but from the part where this CHIK (Chik is 14 years old Russian boy by the way who just got transferred to some high school in Berlin where Mike, our main character, studies) guy appears in Mike’s story. And now I am addicted..  kind of…

I have put my book in front of me hiding it under pile of papers so that I suppose to look like am doing my work but actually reading novel during WORK HOURS !!!!

DO you know how does it feel to like girl? And she doesn’t like you but madly in love with your best friend (at least that's what i think is happening right now). I am talking about only girls here… It is still same feeling among every crushes out there regardless of the any sexual orientation out there. The thing is being fucking THIRD is so fucking stupid. But I don’t know how I would behave if she likes me back. Probably hold hands, kiss, get intimate… I don’t know about “THAT”. MAaayyybee~  ??? ^^D

All I know is it would give feeling that I never had. Life is all about making, (making?) leaving good memories. They say “when you get older the only precious things left to you is good old memories”. I don’t know if this is word for old folks but I am 22 and I am starting to realize how true these words are. So I will try to experience as much as I can and I am not talking about only good experiences here, bad ones too because they will remind you how happy life you are living. Perhaps bad experiences give you much happier feelings. So why feel less happy when you can have twice as joy from life.